Mommy why does this food tastes like shit?

Coogee Bay Hotel has hit the headlines for all the wrong reasons. It has been alleged that a little over three weeks ago they served a customer a bowl of ice cream that was topped with human excrement ( I kid you not!). How much would you want for eating someone else’s shit? Seems Coogee Bay Hotel reckons $5,000 will do it! Unfortunately, Jessica Whyte’s thinking more like $1million after she was served up shit on her ice cream. Mrs Whyte and her husband thought they would go to the iconic Coogee Hotel with their kids for a light lunch. All was going well, until Mrs Whyte scooped up what she thought was a dollop of chocolate on top of her ice cream and put it in her mouth. From there, it all just went rapidly down hill. The moment the spoon touched her lips she knew. The smell was evidently horrific. After she let her friend have a whiff she screamed “Oh my god, they’ve served us s***.” (hell, I would have been dry reaching well before then). The hotel was confronted about the offending ice cream before the Whyte’s took the evidence down to the local police station. From there it was submitted to the Health Department, who confirmed their worst fears, “the sample has an offensive odour and physical properties similar to human excreta”. The hotel offered the family $5,000 (hell, that wouldn’t even cover my friggin therapy sessions!) but the Whytes counter offered for $1million. I don’t care what anyone says, if someone deliberately put poo on my plate and I ate it, this friggin loon would go friggin mental. That is the grossest thing I have heard in a long time. Mrs Whyte’s husband believes the incident was a deliberate act of retaliation after he fought with the staff over ice creams he originally bought into the venue for his children. The hotel claim that if “the incident did happen as claimed, then it may well have been an act of industrial sabotage — with the hotel as a victim alongside your family” (yeah but no one else ate shit, did they?).This story is wrong on so many levels.Can you smell the shit Clarice?

NOTE : On the day that the hotel held a press conference to defend the allegations, they offered free ice cream to everyone. Hmm, nice work PR department!

OMG - Who flung dung? : OK, the shit has been taken out of the bowl and thrown into the fan. You know, when you think about it, someone going to the trouble of pooing on your ice cream doesn’t make sense. Just to orchestrate it would be messy (could miss the bowl for starters). But I digress. I knew that there was going to be more to this story than meets the eye. Here is the latest.

Mr Whyte’s brother-in-law (would that be Mrs Whyte’s brother?) is marketing manager for Keystone Hospitality (a competitor to Coogee). Hmm.

The Whytes left with the entire sample then refused to hand it over to Hotel management.Hmm.

The Whytes claim the operations manager on duty agreed the ice cream was contaminated. Hmm.

Coogee management claims the $1 million was “hush money” for the Whytes not going to the media. Hmm.

The Whytes are now demanding an apology from the hotel for defamation of character following comments made about the family.

Coogee will pursue “criminal charges” if there has been sabotage and so they should, this is a PR nightmare!.

The Coogee Bay Hotel refuse to release CCTV footage of the incident. (surely they haven’t got footage of someone squatting over the bowl, have they?)

For goodness sakes, get a DNA sample from the ice cream in question then DNA the staff member who served it and if the shit matches end of story. If it doesn’t, well the Whytes’ will be up shit creek with out a paddle pop stick.

Do you think the staff are sick of shit jokes yet?

LATEST SHIT : It seems the head chef (who had put in his resignation a few weeks prior to the incident) has offered to hand in a sample of his “feces” to prove his innocence (about time). Hmm, I would want everyone working that day to hand over some #2’s. I find it very hard to imagine a head chef doing the deed. Nope, I suspect a kitchen hand.

BULLSHIT : Coogee Bay Hotel are saying that their laboratory tests on an ice-cream tub have failed a find any excrement. A brief statement from the hotel read ‘Laboratory testing of the ice-cream tub was returned today and shows no faecal contamination,’.

The Whytes are claiming this is a stunt by the hotel and they are willing to hand over samples of their shit!

AH SHIT ITS ALL OVER : At last some closure for the Whyte family, Coogee Bay Hotel have finally agreed to pay them $50,000 (or $200,000 if you believe the rumors) for the trauma of having their ice cream topped with shit and their name having been dragged through it too. After a 8-12 hour mediation, in which no food was served (I assume by request!), a settlement between the two parties was agreed upon. The Whytes get their money,a full apology from the hotel and a retraction that they were extorting them in any way. What does Coogee Bay Hotel get ? Well, a gag order (I’ll say, I am still gagging at the thought), yep all parties have to keep their mouth’s shuts when it comes to talking to the media (hmm. so far that hasn’t worked!).The Whytes won’t get to enjoy all the money however, because they now have a shitload of legal bills totaling between $10,000 to $30,000. The incident is now in the hands of the NSW police who intend to get to the bottom of it (or should I say someone’s bottom). This is what Mrs Whyte had to say “Everywhere I go, I’m now known as the woman who ate the poo. It happens when I’m shopping, when I’m walking down the street and when I’m on the sideline watching my son at Little Athletics on a Saturday morning.” Dear god, I would have asked for way more if I was to be forever known as the Poo Lady.

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