And you think Im nuts!

WTF. A paedophile pensioner with a 30 year history of abusing little kiddies has been prescribed Viagra on the National Health System (NHS) in the UK. Bless! Roger Martin who is 71 simply went to his GP and asked for it because he suffers from diabetes (evidently that helps!). And guess what? There isn’t a single thing anyone can do about it! Probation officers who are assigned to Mr Martin are just shaking their heads in disbelief. To make the situation all the more disturbing Mr Martin has just this week escaped a jail sentence after assaulting an 11 year old last year because the judge believed he ‘wouldn’t be able to cope’ behind bars.WTF Nanny State? Peterborough MP Stewart Jackson said: “This is a bizarre and outrageous example of where common sense gets thrown out of the window in preference to so-called human rights and political correctness.”

Psst You know I sometimes wonder whether this is all done deliberately to keep the well oiled machine going. Pedophile re-offends, police arrest him, judge keeps him out of jail, doctor prescribes Viagra, he re-offends, police arrest him…. Now everyone is happy and all their jobs are safe!

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Why don't you smell my breath officer!!!

Donald May is suing the Kissimmee Police Department after he spent three months behind bars because of his mints. Mr May was driving home from work when cops pulled him over for an expired tag, next thing he knows they are accusing him of chewing crack and promptly arrested him. Turns out that crack he was chewing was in fact breath mints. The officer, on the other hand, claims he saw Mr May purchase the drugs while at an intersection and that when he was pulled over he promptly ate the evidence. The officer also claims the field test on the remains of the white substance in Mr May’s mouth tested positive for drugs! Hmm? Anywho Mr May couldn’t raise the bond so he spent 3 months behind bars waiting for the test results. In the meantime the police department auctioned off his car, he lost his job and also his apartment.

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As if he wasn’t humiliated enough with his 150 year sentenced, now Bernie Madoff’s lover has written a tell all which includes a nice chunky paragraph (or two) about his small penis! Money, freedom and now not even his family jewels are worth a thing! Here is a little excerpt “Bernie had a very small penis. Not only was it on the short side, it was small in circumference.” Geez, embarrassed much? Oh and wait, there’s  more “His tiny penis hadn’t prevented me from climaxing”.  Hmm, I guess where Bernie is now size doesn’t matter so much! Soap-on-a-rope Bernie, soap-on-a-rope!

Psst Way to go to get your money back Sheryl! I hope the book sells enough to repay your family who lost their money to the penile challenged ass.

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No Lady, he was putting money into your handbag!

Well I’ll be! A former pickpocket is heading the new TalkTalk’s putpocketing initiative funded by a broadband provider in London. Oh and it’s nothing like you’d think. The putpocket is the reverse of that annoying activity (by some) of pickpocketing. So instead of stealing wallets from unsuspecting tourists, this group are actually putting money back into the pockets of unsuspecting people. The team are made up of 20 former pickpockets and they are lurking around popular London tourist locations slipping £5 to £20 notes into unguarded pockets and handbags.Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. Chris Fitch, who heads the initiative said “Every time I put money back in someone’s pocket, I feel less guilty about the fact I spent many years taking it out.” Oh and don’t worry, London police have been informed about the putpockets. The group will be putting over £100,000 into  pockets in the following months.

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That ain't helping!!

Geez, first you become the new queen of the track, next thing you know you are being accused of being a man! Could life get any better? Seems some of Caster Semenya’s rivals aren’t too happy she won the 800m nor the fact she looks suspiciously like a man. Bummer! The 18 year old will now be required to undergo a gender test to dispel rumors and accusations. The relative rise from obscurity to become the women’s 800m world champion has more than raised a few eyebrows, especially as she eclipsed defending champion Janeth Jepkosgei by over 2 and half seconds. Results will be in, in about two weeks, but for Semenya I am thinking it really is a lose/lose situation. If it is proven she is a man, she will face the humiliation that only scandal brings and if the results prove she really is a woman, well she will have to face a whole different kind of humiliation.

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Well just when you thought you had seen everything, along comes Urban Golf. Yep, I kid you not, take out the rules,the etiquette, the course and the friggin hole and you have Urban Golf. OK, I know what you are thinking, WTF, people whacking a ball around the neighborhood with a friggin golf stick (alarm bells). But I have it from good authorities (TwitrGolfers) that it isn’t as dangerous as it looks and it uses a special ball (suppose we should be grateful!). Come on, show a bit of enthusiasm, it’s taking the world by storm.. OK, well just Newcastle! I am sensing some skepticism here people, you aren’t buying it are you? Well the dude that is running the whole thing down under has got himself some council approval and has already had a successful Urban Golf Day. Who knows it could end up becoming an Olympic event!!! Check it out Australian Urban Golf.

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Oh dear god, not since Daly was arrested at Hooters has golf been in such disarray. As denials and allegations of foul play on the 18th (Buick Open) spread around the golfing world, CBS are in damage control. Oh yeah, they are denying it was Tiger who let rip on the 18th with a big old finger being pointed at the friggin mike man.Oh adda boys, blame the sound guy! But if you look closely at the footage Tiger actually lifts his leg at the time of impact. Now people, once you get your fart on TMZ it’s time to grab your lawyer because “FartGate” is now taking on a life of it’s own. Tiger has single handedly brought golf tumbling off it’s pedestal and down to the level of common man. Check out the video, guilty or innocent?

Psst So if a tiger farts in the woods and no one can hear, does it still smell?

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Notice anything wrong with this graphic? Seems, everyone except Fox News missed Egypt’s sneaky little overthrow of Iraq. While the rest of the world had their eyeballs focusing on Kim Jong Il and Imadinnerjacket, Egypt did a little shock and awe themselves. Well, that’s that, troops should be home by the end of the week. Meanwhile, as CNN continue to kick themselves for completely missing the overthrow, reports are coming out of the cafeteria that  Christiane Amanpour is inconsolable.

Psst Rumors are Geraldo was behind the breaking news after receiving a tip from a reliable source.

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I guess if you are going to lose a wheel, the runway is a good as any place to have it fall off.Yes, the nose wheel of a Virgin Blue plane fell off as it was taxiing to the runway at Melbourne airport. The cause of the lost wheel has been blamed on corrosion of the axle and not on human error. Oh goodie, like that is suppose to make the 130 or so passengers feel better. Hmm, and you have plane inspections why? Because doesn’t corrosion happen over a long period of time ? Anywho, planes fixed and back in the air.
Ooh and speaking of planes being coffee grounded, a Southwest Airlines plane made n emergency landing after a flight attendant reported a suspicious smell. Hmm, that would be the coffee coming from a coffee maker at the back of the plane people. Whoops, My bad?

Check out this hell landing …..

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That can happen?

A man in a remote community in Western Australia is in hospital after he exploded into a ball of flames after being tasered by police. The incident happened when police were called to a house in Warburton where a group of people were allegedly sniffing petrol. The man in question, Ronald Mitchell, came to the door holding a lighter and a two-litre orange juice container full of petrol and then began to run at the officers. One of the policemen fired his taser, hitting Mitchell on the bridge of his nose and igniting petrol which was still on his face.

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