Ewh!, abalone has a herpes virus (who knew) and whats more it is threatening to wipe out the whole of Tasmania’s Abalone industry, which is the largest fishery in the world.It’s enough to put you off your Chinese. Who the hell were they sleeping with ? Seems like ganglioneuritis is real nasty and has a high mortality rate. The latest discovery of infected abalone at a southern Tasmanian seafood processing plant has officials scrambling for disinfectant. No one can explain why these gastropods are sick but they are seriously considering closing down the billion dollar industry. Oh and for anyone interested, the virus spreads through the mucus that the abalone uses to slide from rock to rock at the bottom of the ocean.
Some Scientists have suggested that all abalone carry the virus but it doesn’t rear its ugly head unless the slimy suckers are under stress. hmm and an abalone stresses because ?
I’m thinking I don’t want abalone anywhere near my mouth anytime soon.

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OK, if you ever wondered who would come off better in an accident, a bike traveling 25mph or a 300lb bear..it’s the bear. Jim Litz a teacher from Target Range Middle School, Montana, found out the hard way, when cycling his way to work. He t-boned a big black bear. Over the handlebars he went, head first into the back of the big brute and continued cartwheeling down the road. Now bears, at the best of time, aren’t good at anger management, so add a flying cyclist into the equation and expect retaliation.The black bear cracked Mr Litz’s helmet, ran his claws down his back and took off before Litz could even scrapped himself off the gravel. The bear was last seen muttering something about how the British Royal family suck.

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I have watched every friggin 9/11 doco on the History Channel, viewed all the crazy conspiracy theorists DVD’s and seen every anniversary special but I can’t recall every hearing anything about the mysterious white plane seen flying over the White House as the Pentagon was attacked. No really. But come to think of it, I can’t recall any eyewitnesses coming forward to dispel rumors that it was a missile and not a plane that hit the Pentagon. Surely, someone must remember seeing a bloody big plane hooning down the street at 850 miles an hour. So, anyway I found a CNN story on it wanna see it….

OK, do you reckon that is the Bin Laden family high tailing it out of town?

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What is in the water in Wisconsin? Don Gorske has eaten 23,000 Big Macs in the past 36 years and he is still counting.OK, he does have a obsessive compulsive disorder but the dude eats four all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on two sesame seed buns EVERY DAY (and has all the receipts to prove it). Don can even recall the 8 days when he was unable to lay his mitts on a burger, when his mother died, twice due to work, three times when traveling and couldn’t find a golden arch (he must have been in Iceland),the snowstorm of 1982 and Thanksgiving day 2000.But that problem has been solved, he freezes them now, just in case. Oh and if you are wondering, Don doesn’t order fries with that, but has two parfaits instead.

Bottom line is, Don Gorske has become McDonald’s new best friend, he just doesn’t know it yet. The 6-foot-2, 185lb Don, who walks 10 miles a day, is the answer to Maccas prays. Don’t tell me they won’t be plonking him on the stand every time someone wants to sue Maccas because they are fat or had to have open heart surgery.Come on the man has eaten Big Macs for 36 years and he still lives!

Shame though, when he dies its gonna take decades for his body to decompose. Don’t believe me check out McNasty.

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A six year old cat goes missing, the owners presume it had become road kill, and then whoala 9 years later it returns. See that isn’t a great story, that’s my worst nightmare. Now you have a really old cat that will inevitably have health problems and will have to be put down. Plus you missed out on the damn best years of it’s life. I am not feeling the joy. The cat in question is Dixie, who fortunately (or unfortunately) was micro chipped, making it very easy for the RSPCA to return the dishevelled and thin moggie to its shocked owners. No one knows what Dixie’s been up to for the past 9 years but one thing we know is she took her own sweet time coming home.

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The Deputy Justice Minister of the Democratic Republic of Congo, Claude Nyamugabo, was not amused when he found the local police had arrested 12 goats and thrown them in jail.The minister reckons many police had serious gaps in their knowledge and would have to be sent back for retraining (ya think!). Mr Nyamugabo discovered the unhappy and nervous goats sharing a cell amongst the criminals. The beasts were due to appear in court, charged with being sold illegally by the roadside. It is not known if the goats were going to represent themselves or if they were assigned a lawyer?. Their owner is still in the clink waiting trial.

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How dare Moroccan bloggers offend the friggin Royalty. Damn deserve to be put in jail, throw away the key, I say. Goodness, Mohammed Erraji, claiming that King Mohammed VI’s charitable habits were encouraging a culture of dependency, incorrigible. Did he not know that criticising the king is an offence in Morocco? Well 2 years in jail should be enough time for Erraji to think about what he said! And besides there are plenty of royals in the world to pull the piss on, start with the Windsors and work your way around. Or maybe you could start with some poor African royal family first, they ain’t got Internet, so no worries there. I’d avoid the Thai Royalty though, hmm Bangkok Hilton. Oh and avoid the Middle East too,fatwa’s aren’t good .

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Lets face it, being a postman is crap job,its monotonous, stressful and friggin time consuming. Step up to the homeplate one young Scotsman and hit one for the overworked postal worker. A wee Scottish lad, living in Germany, decided that juggling a full time job and night school was just too damn hard. So, rather than give up a good paying postal job, he kept it. Unfortunately he was too busy to actually deliver anything, instead opting to pile all the letters, brochures and packages up in his apartment.All 20,000 of them. They were stashed in his cupboards, under his mattress, in his wardrobes and just about anywhere he could shove them. Some were even addressed to himself. But like a good postal worker he never opened any. The dude’s a friggin legend, how did he manage to do this for a year ? I bet the complaints department are all on stress leave.

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How can you compete? What is a man to do when his girlfriend decides to become a Franciscan nun? The only thing you can do, erect a banner and hope for the best. After Daniel Briatore, 21, was dumped by his girlfriend, Patrizia Masoerohe, she up and joined a convent. So in an attempt to win her back Daniel made himself a banner reading “I didn’t want to take you away, just talk to you, because I love you.” and whacked it on the Franciscan convent walls at Italy’s Montecassino Abbey. Lets just say the nuns weren’t impressed when camera crews and journos got wind of the story and joined the heartbroken Romeo. In the words of one Francisan nun “we just want all this attention to go away.” Despite the nuns removing his love banner, the local villagers are rallying around Daniel (hoping for a miracle). It seems Patrizia must have taken her vow of silence seriously because she ain’t talking, which means Daniel ain’t budging (nor the media).

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Gosh, its bad enough knowing airplanes have faulty wing flaps and exploding oxygen tanks but now snakes! Air India passengers had their feet well and truly up on the seats when a snake was seen coiled up under one on a domestic flight from Srinagar. The hysteria from frightened passengers, scared the crap out of the reptile and it slid into an air vent, refusing to come out. Despite unscrewing panels inside the fuselage and fumigating the plane all efforts by the crew failed to find the creature. As of today it is still unaccounted for even though the plane is still in service. Some witnesses swear it was a venomous cobra, though it has been denied by the airline (dah!). Oh well, it will soon get sick of the food and the in flight movies!

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