Geez that Arnie!

So California State Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger does have a sense of humor. No girlie man envy here. The governator sent Senate President Darrell Steinberg a sculpture of bull testicles. Yes, melon sized bull’s balls. The little joke was intended as a friendly reminder to the Democratic-controlled State Senate to be tough on decisions to be made about the budget.
The gift was also in response to the bag of mushrooms given to Arnie after he called the Democrats’ budget proposals,’hallucinatory’.

And so now, hows about a solution to the $24.3 billion budget shortfall children?

Psst Hey Ann, I wonder if they feel like elbows?

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Well, ladies have I got the perfect gift for you, the “Angels Knee Pillow” or as the Japanese like to call it Tenshi no Hizamakura. Some narky little housewife must have come up with this one. It’s a toilet knee stool for men. Yep, it is designed for men to kneel whilst peeing, giving them less distance to miss the friggin bowl. No more cleaning that toilet seat ladies! Kneeling whilst pissing makes it that much harder for men to spray all over the place. So much more hygenic. Ooh and wait for it…it comes in two diffent styles the “eco” bench ($50) or the deluxe DX two piece ($60). Can’t wait to see hubby’s face when he unwraps one of those for Christmas.

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Say, do you fix frogs?

Oh dear god, what do you do when you run the lawnmower over a green tree frog and take half it’s skin off it’s back? Take it to Veterinarian Stephen Cutter and the good folks at the Ark Animal Hospital in the Northern Territory will fix it. The little amphibian was rushed to the veterinarian clinic and straight into emergency surgery, where a team carefully reattached its slimy skin to its back. After the successful operation Dr Cutter said “It was a pretty horrific injury.But from day one she fought to live. It’s very lucky to be alive,”. Bless!

Psst The frog has been named Victoria in honor of the Victa mower that nearly claimed her life! I am guessing the bill will be more than that mower!

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Holy lap dancing nun Batman. Anna Nobili, has got herself a captive audience (yet again) after giving her exotic dancing and strip teasing the flick . The ex lap dancer has thrown in her bad habit for, well, a real habit and is going to perform her “Holy Dance” as a nun.The ex night club dancer became a nun after visiting the shrine of St Francis in Assisi, and has been working on her Old and New Testaments  dance moves ever since. Next week she will perform “The Bible: Day and Night” for senior Catholic clerics (including Archbishop Gianfranco Ravasi, head honcho for the Vatican Cultural Department) in Rome. Sister Nobili said “I was wasting my life dancing for men in clubs. The nights were filled with sex and alcohol. It was an empty life but I liked it because I was the centre of attention.” (and dancing in front of men of the cloth will be more fulfilling?) Hmm, well you’ll definitely still be the center of attention …not too many dancing nuns to take away your thunder! Sister Nobili goes on to say “My aim is to pray using my body”.Oh dear god, my tongue is bleeding, get me to a nunnery….

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Its a friggin thankless job Bob but the hours are good!

When you see two pigeons carrying little bags near a prison it can’t be good. Nope, it seems Brazilian prisoners have been using carrier pigeons to smuggle contraband in and out of Danilo Pinheiro Penitentiary for some time. How does that work? It isn’t like a homing pigeon would know which cell to knock on! Fortunately I wont have to rack my brains figuring it out. Hmm, because  the little scam was uncovered when penitentiary agents noticed the two pigeons panting outside the prison. Carrying cell phones and chargers is kinda hard work. Ah well, back to the drawing board boys.

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WTF !!!!!!

You know times are tough when KFC offer to fill in America’s potholes.All hail KFC. Catch? Ah, there is always a catch. KFC in return for filling the potholes want the rights to stencil their logo over the top when completed.Thank goodness their logo aint a chook, imagine the “why did the chicken cross the road” jokes then? So far KFC have potholed Louisville in Kentucky.Other cities are still ho humming. Oh and by the way, there are an estimated 350 million of those suckers throughout the USA (how many chicken have to die….) .Good luck with that.

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There is an arsonist on the loose in Medford Oregon, but not to worry he is only targeting green Ford Escorts made in the 1990’s (god bless him). Ahhahah like anyone would care! Escorts, like mustard colored Datsun 120Y’s just never die. Gosh come on,  everyone in the world knew of someone with a friggin Ford Escort van. Personally I want to know why Medford still has so many friggin green ones? So far the Escort hating arsonist has torched 3 of them. For goodness sakes people of Medford, the poor culprit is spending a fortune dousing the vehicles in flammable liquid why don’t you put him out of his misery and leave them all out on the main drag so he can  rid the town of them once and for all. My bad? Medford police Sgt. Mike Budreau describes as the series of attacks as  “pretty bizarre.” and further adds “I think this person really doesn’t like Ford Escorts.” (hmm, ya think!).

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Its this finger right?

Want to pay to see Galileo’s finger? Come on, it is his middle digit of his right hand people, an important finger!It will be mounted on a marble base and encased in a crystal jar.It’ll be fun. It’s to celebrate Galileo’s 400th anniversary of his first observations in the skies and what better way to celebrate than an exhibition of his finger, right? Well, maybe one of his eyes would have been more appropriate but they weren’t in particularly good nick as poor old Galileo had a degenerative eye condition and was pretty much blind by the time he died. But hey, a finger is just as good. Galileo, who frequented the earth from 1564 to 1642, was condemned by the Church for teaching that the Earth revolved around the Sun and in 1633 was tried and convicted of heresy by the Inquisition. Ah, so now I get the reason for the finger! It will be on display in Florence for the whole of March, don’t miss it!

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Does my bum look fat in this?

Jo Eglen you’re a darl. Jo runs the Little Hen Rescue Centre in Norwich, a sort of battery hen safe house. Her mission, to relocate stressed out production line chooks into fine loving homes. So far their are 5,750 happy cluckers. Sadly, many of the rescued battery hens lose their feathers due to the stress of popping out egg, after egg, after egg. So Jo got to thinking and decided to ask the local community to get their knitting needles out and make some chook jerseys. There are now over 1500 brightly colored jumpers adorning the bald and bedraggled hens.
OK looners I know some of you can knit. If you are interested in making a cold chook a hot hen here is the Little Hen Rescue website (the pattern for the hen jumpers is also on their site). Knit one purl one people! Oh and while you are at it maybe you might even considered adopting one of those balded bodied beauties.

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Symbol of Humanity

The photograph of a firefighter holding the paw of a koala as he shares his water with her has become the image of hope amongst the carnage of Victoria’s bushfires. Firefighter David Tree spotted the tired and weary koala at Mirboo North whilst fighting the fires. “I could see she had sore feet and was in trouble, so I pulled over the fire truck. She just plonked herself down, as if to say ‘I’m beat’,” . Mr Tree offered the furry creature a bottle of water and to his surprised she reached out and held his hand. Sam, as she is now nicknamed , drank three bottles of water before Mr Tree received an emergency call and had to rush off. Sam was picked up by wildlife carers who have now treated her burns . She is expected to make a full recovery but may have to spend several months recouping before she can be released back into the wild. The photo which was splashed around the world was taken from a mobile phone. The image of Sam and the Firefighter is now available to purchase with all proceeds going to the CFA (Country Fire Association). If you are interested click here Koala and the Firefighter. Wanna see the video?

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