No Lady, he was putting money into your handbag!

Well I’ll be! A former pickpocket is heading the new TalkTalk’s putpocketing initiative funded by a broadband provider in London. Oh and it’s nothing like you’d think. The putpocket is the reverse of that annoying activity (by some) of pickpocketing. So instead of stealing wallets from unsuspecting tourists, this group are actually putting money back into the pockets of unsuspecting people. The team are made up of 20 former pickpockets and they are lurking around popular London tourist locations slipping £5 to £20 notes into unguarded pockets and handbags.Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. Chris Fitch, who heads the initiative said “Every time I put money back in someone’s pocket, I feel less guilty about the fact I spent many years taking it out.” Oh and don’t worry, London police have been informed about the putpockets. The group will be putting over £100,000 into  pockets in the following months.

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Google Earth is becoming a friggin CCTV for alien enthusiasts. The latest image to get the “we are not alone” believers excited appeared in the town of Berkeley Heights in New Jersey (the alien was obviously lost!). ET was spotted loitering behind a bush next to a beam of light. Hmm,I hoping he wasn’t going for a leak? How embarrassing! The “alien” image was photographed on Diamond Hill Road about thirty miles from the Big Apple.Enter every friggin Strange Phenomena Expert with an opinion. What I want to know is who the hell was searching the bushes of a semi rural road in Berkeley Heights,anyways hmm? Well, one thing is for certain, it ain’t no water pumping facility.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you wanna see it right? Well, its your lucky day here are two friggin photos of ET in New Jersey. Can someone please give him a phone!

Cant I take a piss in private?

Clutching at straws people!

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It is a friggin water facility people!

Cut it out people, it isn’t a friggin UFO. Google have requested that netizens kindly stop reporting a UFO sighting on Google Earth. The object in question is the  friggin roof of an abandoned water facility in woodlands in Romania, alright! President of the Romanian UFO Network who went to investigate the unidentified object said “It is just a water pumping facility that used to supply Timisoara city in the past. There was another similar building a few miles away.” Hmm, conspiracy theorists aren’t too sure and continue to question the silvery object.  Here’s the thing, if it suddenly disappears from the satellite images friggin panic, otherwise go look for Atlantis!

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I must have recipe for rock candy, understood!

I knew it, the moment I saw Blackpool I thought, gosh if Hitler ever invaded Britain …… Evidently Adolph Hitler had marked Blackpool as a no go zone for his Luftwaffe’s bombing blitz, preferring to bomb the crap out of just about everything else instead.A recent discovery of German intelligence maps suggests that Hitler was planning an invasion by German paratroopers into the seaside resort. Who knew Hitler had a soft spot for the seaside town and wanted it to be his playground after his successful invasion of Britain during World War II? Elaine Smith chairman of Blackpool’s Civic Trust said “He probably wanted to keep the resort as it was so he could enjoy it as Chancellor of Britain.” (Sour Kraut). That would probably explain the reason why Blackpool was spared serious damage during WWII despite it being the place of choice for thousands of British troops to enjoy R&R and where local factories were building hundreds of Wellington bombers for the RAF. Hmm, could you imagine the postcards coming out of Blackpool if Hitler got his wish? Nazi troops goose stepping down the golden mile, the Swastika blowing in the breeze atop the Blackpool Tower, Hitler paddling in the water near the pier. Ewh and lets no forget we would be chomping on pieces of Blackpool Gestein Bonbons instead of rock candy! Perish the thought!

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What the? Seems we have a bigger problem than Nessie after a friggin big serpent was spotted frolicking in the river Baleh in Borneo.Photographs, believed to clearly show a big snake like creature over 100ft in length, were snapped by a member of a disaster team who flew over a remote flood region. Known as Nabau by the locals (and big scary friggin critter by me) the ancient sea snake is said to had a dragon’s head, seven nostrils and the ability to transforms itself into the shapes of different animals. Great, as if I don’t have enough things to worry about! As you can imagine debate is now raging over whether these images are fake.Come on people we don’t believe it’s real, do we? Now if it was on video, maybe!  Hmm, it isn’t like Asia is renowned for faking things! Anywho I am keeping my tootsies out of waterways until further notice.

Oh come on I know you are desperate to see our little Jurassic Park wannabe….

Hmm?

Wait there’s more….

Here's hoping he aint hungry!

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One of the worst Nazi’s never to have been caught for war crimes during World War II is believed dead. Dr Death (aka Aribert Heim) the cruel and evil concentration camp doctor had allegedly been hiding out in Cairo all these years, despite a world wide hunt for the beast. Seems his son Ruedifer Hiem and the whole Hiem family knew of his whereabouts all along. Hmm, makes you wonder how hard authorities were looking? Surely staking out the family (especially the son) would be detective work 101. Ruedifer is now claiming he met with his daddy dearest often and even cared for him during his cancer operation. This, despite telling authorities he had no idea of his father’s whereabouts.
Dr Death was allegedly hiding under Islam (smart move for the Nazi), he converted and changed his name to Tarek Hussein Farid in an attempt to hide. Because lets face it no one would be looking for him under that name (lucky he didn’t pick Saddam!).
Reports are now surfacing that he died from intestinal cancer in 1992 and left a suitcase full of clues which have since been unearthed by a German TV station and the New York Times. OK, the skeptic in me thinks this could be an elaborate set up by Hiem’s family because there isn’t a body nor a grave (only their word and that ain’t worth Jack!). And why now? The dude would be 94 if he was alive, maybe the family are trying to get him into a nice nursing home without hassles?

OK, of course I have a friggin video! This was posted 6 months ago, I think these dudes were way off the scent but give some interesting background and motive for the recent buzz. Hmm, seems there is a lot of money at stake to prove the Doc is dead! Oh and pray tell, why hasn’t his bank account been seized? Interesting how many Nazi were hiding out in South America? Ain’t that right Mr Mengele.

Oh and there’s more….

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Look up in the sky, it’s a octopus? Licolnshire locals swear a glowing orb looking like an octopus came out of sky and wrecked a wind turbine over the weekend. The strange UFO was reported by several people who described it as being a orange-yellow sphere with tentacles (I hope it wasn’t another friggin helium balloon!). The next morning a 213ft fiberglass turbine was discovered in tatters. One of the £1 million turbine’s 65 ft blades was ripped clean off and another blade was left mangled.Rumors soon spread about the extra-terrestrial accident with many convinced they had been visited by aliens. Robert Palmer, chairman of East Lindsey District Council, was quick to add “I would be very interested to find out what it was. If we are being looked at by other people, by other planets, it would be interesting to find out why they have chosen this part of the country,”. Hmm, maybe Lincolnshire is in the alien best seller “1000 places to invade before you die” ? Skeptics have their own theories, like it was a construction fault. One expert suggested it may have been hit by frozen urine from a passing airplane.Oh well, just for the locals piece of mind the turbine debris has been sent to area 51 to be analysis, kidding people, it’s been sent to the manufacturers Enercon (results back next week). The truth is out there!

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All you internet marketers must be scratching your heads in wonder, how did a 56 second video clip of a little baby biting his brother’s finger get 65,000,000 hits? That’s millions people! Hmm, old cynical me looked long and hard and there isn’t a product placement to be seen in the damn clip. Proud Parents Howard and Shelley Howard Davies-Carr, from Buckinghamshire, only intended the clip to be watched by Harry and Charlie’s godfather, now it the 12th most viewed clip on friggin YouTube. That really hurts Charlie?

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So far Mary has missed four flights!

Airport karaoke are you friggin kidding me? Ugh, another good reason not to fly. Houston’s Bush International Airport is about to set up karaoke booths for its wanna be travelers. Hello, what is wrong with you? If my granny gets wind of this she will plonk herself there for the rest of her goddamn days (and no one deserves to be put through that!). Talk about a friggin captive audience.The airport plans to let novice travellers belt out tunes from over a 100 song titles. Nooooooo, you haven’t thought this through people! I never thought I would say it, but please bring back piped music.

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I am sorry but it just looks like graffiti!

Hey Banksy, want to scribble on my house? That friggin famous graffiti artist Banksy has just turned a rundown crappy old pub in Liverpool into a gold mine. Yep, it seems the spray can painting genius (or vandal, depending on which side of the fence) has left his trademark vermin image inside the Whitehouse and in doing so pushed the real estate value up from £495,000 to £1 million. There is also a big cat and red lipstick scrawled on the outside of the pub. Sutton Kersh the real estate agent must have thought what the hell, when he started getting inundated with queries from the art world (I bet he quickly adjusted his accent to posh). The true identity of Banksy has been heavily guarded despite his politically motivated work, known as “guerilla” artwork, springing up all over England and the world. Here is a Wiki on Banksy.

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