As if he wasn’t humiliated enough with his 150 year sentenced, now Bernie Madoff’s lover has written a tell all which includes a nice chunky paragraph (or two) about his small penis! Money, freedom and now not even his family jewels are worth a thing! Here is a little excerpt “Bernie had a very small penis. Not only was it on the short side, it was small in circumference.” Geez, embarrassed much? Oh and wait, there’s  more “His tiny penis hadn’t prevented me from climaxing”.  Hmm, I guess where Bernie is now size doesn’t matter so much! Soap-on-a-rope Bernie, soap-on-a-rope!

Psst Way to go to get your money back Sheryl! I hope the book sells enough to repay your family who lost their money to the penile challenged ass.

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Well just when you thought you had seen everything, along comes Urban Golf. Yep, I kid you not, take out the rules,the etiquette, the course and the friggin hole and you have Urban Golf. OK, I know what you are thinking, WTF, people whacking a ball around the neighborhood with a friggin golf stick (alarm bells). But I have it from good authorities (TwitrGolfers) that it isn’t as dangerous as it looks and it uses a special ball (suppose we should be grateful!). Come on, show a bit of enthusiasm, it’s taking the world by storm.. OK, well just Newcastle! I am sensing some skepticism here people, you aren’t buying it are you? Well the dude that is running the whole thing down under has got himself some council approval and has already had a successful Urban Golf Day. Who knows it could end up becoming an Olympic event!!! Check it out Australian Urban Golf.

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Notice anything wrong with this graphic? Seems, everyone except Fox News missed Egypt’s sneaky little overthrow of Iraq. While the rest of the world had their eyeballs focusing on Kim Jong Il and Imadinnerjacket, Egypt did a little shock and awe themselves. Well, that’s that, troops should be home by the end of the week. Meanwhile, as CNN continue to kick themselves for completely missing the overthrow, reports are coming out of the cafeteria that  Christiane Amanpour is inconsolable.

Psst Rumors are Geraldo was behind the breaking news after receiving a tip from a reliable source.

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OK, my original story was going to be about the Muff Road sign in New Zealand and how the residents are really pissed that people keep stealing it as a souvenir. So as I normally do, I did some research on the word muff, which is sometimes used to describe a woman’s vagina. It was here my story took a sudden and shocking deviation. Dear god, has anyone been on the Vulva Wiki page? Big friggin warning before you click people….no seriously…I wouldn’t look if you have a heart condition or embarrass easily. OK, on the count…one…two…three. …http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muff_(genitals) .

Oh and isn’t the message priceless…

Honey, can you stand still so I can get a nice sharp reliable reference! And what’s with the “needs additional verification? Nope I think it’s a vulva. Geez and to think the topless nun is worried about her pic being posted on Facebook! I’d be grabbing a lawyer love, whoever you are!

Psst That is way too much information, even for Wiki!

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Hmm, are gloves supplied?

OK, before I go any further, does anyone know why the hell Chinese buses supply passengers with objects to break the windows with? Hmm, I’m just curious is all! Is there something we should know? What’s wrong with the old karate kick to the back window? Well, anywho the safety hammers have been given the flick due to the high rate of theft . Yes, so now if you need to break a window the Harbin Public Transport Company are supplying brightly painted yellow bricks (because no one wants to steal a big friggin brick).Try hurling that sucker at a window and see you dont get concussion! The big friggin bus bricks will be on selected buses for a trial period and if the public are happy, the big  yellow bricks will be supplied to all 700 of their buses.

Psst Now go on, say what you are thinking. If our buses had big friggin yellow bricks on board, homicide on public transport would treble!

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Come on guys, its foolproof!

Come on people, it could have worked! A British gang of wannabe pirates have been caught after making their getaway on a punt (which has a top speed of 3mph). The clueless bunch had decided to  paddle to the Haven boatyard in Cambridgeshire under the cover of darkness and rob the place. Having successfully loaded the flat bottomed boat  with two flatscreen televisions, a DVD player, two electricity generators and copious amounts of alcohol, all they had to do was get the hell out of there. Hmm, I guess they didn’t expect police with night-vision goggles to spot them slowly floating down the River Ouse. No chance of a speedy getaway that way boys and girl! Shall I name and shame them? What the hell, why not. Take a bow (no pun intended) James Parkinson, Khushmet Bardell , Rachel Helleur and the 17 year old dude who was too young to be named!

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This is funny… deep down I am hoping it wasn’t done deliberately.

Hmm, know something we dont

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OK, promise not to laugh..no I mean it…promise? A City Councilman in Riverside has successfully canvased to have the name of a street changed. Yep, Wong Way is no more. Mike Gardner thought the name was disrespectful and sent the wrong message to Chinese immigrants, despite it being named after the late George Wong who was the last person to live in the city’s former Chinatown. The short little road was originally named in 1961 and is located near the old Chinese section of town but to many the name has long been considered a joke rather than an honor. So now Wong Way has been renamed…wait for it…Wong Street (like that’s any better!). George Street Mike, George Street!!

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Geez that Arnie!

So California State Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger does have a sense of humor. No girlie man envy here. The governator sent Senate President Darrell Steinberg a sculpture of bull testicles. Yes, melon sized bull’s balls. The little joke was intended as a friendly reminder to the Democratic-controlled State Senate to be tough on decisions to be made about the budget.
The gift was also in response to the bag of mushrooms given to Arnie after he called the Democrats’ budget proposals,’hallucinatory’.

And so now, hows about a solution to the $24.3 billion budget shortfall children?

Psst Hey Ann, I wonder if they feel like elbows?

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Well, ladies have I got the perfect gift for you, the “Angels Knee Pillow” or as the Japanese like to call it Tenshi no Hizamakura. Some narky little housewife must have come up with this one. It’s a toilet knee stool for men. Yep, it is designed for men to kneel whilst peeing, giving them less distance to miss the friggin bowl. No more cleaning that toilet seat ladies! Kneeling whilst pissing makes it that much harder for men to spray all over the place. So much more hygenic. Ooh and wait for it…it comes in two diffent styles the “eco” bench ($50) or the deluxe DX two piece ($60). Can’t wait to see hubby’s face when he unwraps one of those for Christmas.

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