Well, ladies have I got the perfect gift for you, the “Angels Knee Pillow” or as the Japanese like to call it Tenshi no Hizamakura. Some narky little housewife must have come up with this one. It’s a toilet knee stool for men. Yep, it is designed for men to kneel whilst peeing, giving them less distance to miss the friggin bowl. No more cleaning that toilet seat ladies! Kneeling whilst pissing makes it that much harder for men to spray all over the place. So much more hygenic. Ooh and wait for it…it comes in two diffent styles the “eco” bench ($50) or the deluxe DX two piece ($60). Can’t wait to see hubby’s face when he unwraps one of those for Christmas.

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And now OUR friggin heads are hot!

Holy disposable chopsticks Batman, Tokyo sidewalks are going wooden. The 80ft experimental wooden sidewalk has been installed in Nihombashi district to see if it helps to keep pedestrians feet cooler during summer (dear god fingers crossed). The new sidewalk is made up of chipped thin cedar, a mixture of woodchips and cement and blocks made from thinned wood. Hmm, if successful I wonder what Lebanese forest will be destroyed to pave the whole of Tokyo? The Nihombashi Miyuki Street Road Experiment Association is hoping the new wooden footpaths will release heat faster than asphalt or concrete because we know how important it is to keep our feet cool during this time of global warming! Ooh and the sidewalks are said to be more aesthetically pleasing (what, nicer than concrete?) and whats more they let off a pleasant scent of cedar which is soothing to the pedestrian (and a distraction  from car fumes). Ooh and if they give Britain a ring they may find out where to order the eco friendly chewing gum so it doesn’t stick to the wooden blocks.

Geez I hope they are fire retardant. Could be a real bummer, no more happy feet!

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Mushi, mushi, undie thief alert. Hmm, Takao Sudo has a bit of explaining to do after he was busted for having over 1,600 bras and knickers stashed away at his parents home (no people, they weren’t his). Oh for goodness sakes the 43 year old man from Utsunomiya City, Japan, had a friggin underwear fetish.Mr Sudo san’s fetish was revealed after he was caught red handed stealing four pairs of knickers drying outside an apartment. Ah, but don’t feel too sorry for Sudo he was documenting his exploits on a blog called “Underwear Collector”. Sudo told police he had been nicking women’s delicates for over 8 years because it helped him relax (ahhahahhaha, I bet and then some). By the end of the police search of his home they had seized over thirty large boxes worth of his souvenirs. Busy boy. I am guessing no one is going to come forward to claim their missing lingerie anytime soon.

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OK men take note, nothing says “I love you” better than screaming it out loud in a park full of complete strangers (including your wife). Hmm, the latest Japanese “save your marriage” craze has “new age sensitive” men letting their feelings rip in Hibiya Park, Tokyo, for all the world to hear.
Kiyotaka Yamana, founder of the Japan Aisaika (“Devoted Husband”) Organization, started the “Shout Your Love From the Middle of a Cabbage Patch” in 2004 after his marriage fell apart due to lack of communication at home. Marriage in Japan is often regarded more as a status than as a relationship and expressing ones true feelings is considered a big friggin no-no! Japanese men in particular struggle to express any words of affection beyond “where’s my friggin dinner” (ah, so universal). So Mr Yamana thought maybe it would be easier for Japanese men to express themselves in public rather than intimately by shouting love messages to their wives.
This year Mr Yamana organized “Shout Your Love From the Middle of Hibiya Park,” with the philosophy “Husbands who take great care of their wife seem to care about those around them. So if there are more devoted husbands on earth, the world would become more peaceful.” Oh how sweet and naive.

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Whoops there goes the statistics!

People, eating blowfish testicles is wrong, OK! Hmm, this is what seven Japanese  discovered after eating the deadly delicacy. They are all now in hospital unable to feel their hands or legs. OK, it was tempting I must say, raw blowfish and their baked testes, but it is hell dangerous (Japanese roulette). With a nice tempting name, fugu, if not prepared properly it can lead the diner to an early grave (in minutes). To make matters worse the restaurant in question, did not have a licence from the provincial administration which is absolutely necessary. The blowfish contains tetrodotoxin in its organs, an evil neurotoxin that can cause death in minutes if not removed by an experience chef. Death by blowfish happens at least three times a year in Japan. Why the hell would anyone eat something so dangerous you say? Well it has long been rumored that if by some chance you die, it is customary that the chef commits hari kari (supposedly this is the insurance that the meal will be safe). The restaurant in question was called Kibunya located in Tsuruoka, an old castle town by the Sea of Japan (just in case you were interested).

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You know what I hate, when you rock up to work during a damn freezing day and your nipples are near frozen. I hate that. But not to worry anymore the Japanese have come up with a brilliant solution, USB boob warmers or as they like to call them “bust beauty pads”. Oh yeah, just plug them into the USB port of your computer and your tits will be as good as thawed in minutes (No one need know). You would hate to have witches tits in the work place, attracting unwanted male attention wouldn’t you? Shame it requires a USB port! Oh, I know you are dying to find out where to get one from, so here try Thanko. Glad to be of service.

No, I am NOT happy to see you!

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A Japanese Louis Armstrong impersonator, friggin funny as! I know the Japanese love to copy and improve but I am thinking poor Louis would be turning in his grave. Don’t you just miss variety shows? I wonder if Robert Downey got a few pointers from him? I am thinking not even Ted Danson would dare try this at home! OK, so it is wrong on so many levels but I haven’t chuckled so much in a long time. Bless Japan for still being able to pull the piss without fear.

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Hmm, you smell nice!

Gosh, wanna smell like your local curry restaurant? No probs, you can now, thanks to Japanese Curry Bath Salts. Ewh, Bandai Co are the culprits behind this new curry and stew bath salt product. Should be damn popular over Christmas. Could be a nice additional touch to granny’s Christmas stocking, along with her airbag. But don’t get too scared off by the scary packaging or the thought of smelling like stew, the bath salts come in four mouth watering flavors ; honey (representing sweet apple curry), Milk (representing beef stew curry), Ginger (hot red pepper curry) and of course Herb (for the dry curry).Chuck in a little CrapWrap and my Christmas shopping will be complete! I know you want to buy some, I can hear you screaming “where?”… Bandai Curry Bath Salts . Gosh, I am good to you?

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In space nobody can hear you barf!

Forget the Tang, Buzz, we now have beer in space. Like we need more drunk astronauts!The Russian Academy of Science, Okayama University in Japan and Sapporo Breweries have all collaborated to come up with the world’s first “Space Beer”.Hmm, like that will probably set you back thousands of dollars for a sip.Yes, the barley has been cultivated inside a Russian laboratory on board the International Space Station (in the name of science of course).The Sapporo Breweries (the oldest in the world) used the space barley to make 100 litres of the 5.5% alcohol space brew. Don’t even think about getting your little mitts on any, it ain’t been sold commercially.But you could enter a lottery to be one of 30 people allowed a special tasting in Tokyo. Sapporo is hoping the 100% barley beer will soon become part every astronaut’s diet. Nothing like being pissed in zero gravity!

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OK, lets see, one pink bra C cup should do for now!

Now that they’ve got the nappies sorted for the elderly, Japan is focusing on the cross dressing men market. A Japanese online lingerie retailer is making a lot of yen selling bras to her men clients. Rakuten a Wishroom Shop has sold over 300 men’s bras in the first two weeks of its launch. Wishroom Executive Director Akiko Okunomiya said she was surprised at the interest, but the customer feedback has been along the lines of ‘wow, we’d been waiting for this for such a long time’ (who knew!). If you are interested the mens bras they come in black, pink and white and will set you back $30, but hey if it keeps them man boobs from bouncing around it will be well worth it!

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