Come on guys, its foolproof!

Come on people, it could have worked! A British gang of wannabe pirates have been caught after making their getaway on a punt (which has a top speed of 3mph). The clueless bunch had decided to  paddle to the Haven boatyard in Cambridgeshire under the cover of darkness and rob the place. Having successfully loaded the flat bottomed boat  with two flatscreen televisions, a DVD player, two electricity generators and copious amounts of alcohol, all they had to do was get the hell out of there. Hmm, I guess they didn’t expect police with night-vision goggles to spot them slowly floating down the River Ouse. No chance of a speedy getaway that way boys and girl! Shall I name and shame them? What the hell, why not. Take a bow (no pun intended) James Parkinson, Khushmet Bardell , Rachel Helleur and the 17 year old dude who was too young to be named!

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Mad Cow Survey Sucks

Whilst I am on this friggin survey thing, I just noticed a Tokyo food survey on a news feed .Now I got all excited because 29.2% of the Japanese surveyed were really concerned about catching mad cow disease and I thought hmm could mad cow be linked to those cows who don’t face either north or south ? (re : previous blog entry). But my joy was short lived when I discovered that only 306 people were surveyed from a population of 12,790,000 AND of those 306 only 195 replied ! Those people at The Tokyo Metropolitan Government’s Bureau of Social Welfare and Public Health really suck at their job (and I surveyed 2 people who agreed). Oh and for those of us trying to work out the % it’s like 0.00152% of the population.

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When something doesn’t look right, you should take heed. The new search engine Cuil, is friggin NOT. Firstly, use a “real word” so my spell checker can get a day off, secondly use a friendly background so I don’t feel as though I am about to enter a porn site and thirdly test before you launch dahh!

This is how much I like Cuil, I would go to a public library before ever going back onto Cuil to search for something. You know we love hating Google, but if this is our best alternative we are in deep cyberspace. A library without an index system is like, well Cuil! Lets just hope they aren’t using the public to sort out all the glitches!!! Lucky I didn’t buy any shares in this dot com.

Apprentice search engine…..YOU’RE FIRED !

I am nominating Cuil for the 2008 Friggin Loon Award.

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Oh dear God, what the hell was he thinking ? I was really hoping this story wasn’t going to get too much media coverage as I wanted this story all to myself. But alas I was wrong. I switch on the news to catch a glimpse of Reverend Adelir de Carli’s feet dangling from a bunch of helium balloons as he floated off into a thick blanket of pollution . Not even the Darwin Awards would have seen this one coming. This crazy Roman Catholic priest from Brazil was out to break some record in the name of charity. But unfortunately not even his GPS and satellite phone could save him from the big gusts of wind that blew him (and his thousand balloons) to kingdom come. Last reports were, a search party had found millions of colorful pieces of rubber floating off the coast of Santa Catarina. It is believed he had reached heights of up to 20,000ft (6,000m), then descended to about 8,200ft (2,500m). In the last radio contact Rev Carli said he was cold. Planes and helicopters from the Brazilian air force and boats from the Brazilian navy our out looking for him. Can you imagine what they thought when they got the message ‘looking for a Roman Catholic priest in a chair attached with 1,000 balloons, last seen being blowing out to sea.’ Friggin funny.

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Just when you thought the mystery of D.B. Cooper would never be solved, a couple of kids go and find a parachute in their backyard .Who the hell is D.B. Cooper you might ask? Well, he was either a pure genius or a friggin loon, depending on his fate. No one knows his real identity, just the name he had on his boarding pass in 1971.

On Thanks Giving day, 24th November, 1971, a quiet man, carrying a canvas bag boarded a Northwest Airlines plane destined for Seattle. He sat down in his requested seat, opposite where the stewardess sat for take-off, and waited until the plane was 25 minutes into the flight. He then pressed the button for the stewardess attention, to which Tina Mucklow responded. Mr Cooper then passed Tina a note which read ” I have a bomb with me. If I don’t get $200,000 I will blow us all to bits.” Understandably she was a little bit confused until old Cooper flashed her a look inside his canvas bag. Dynamite, wires and a detonator were hint enough and she promptly scampered to the flight deck to break the news to the pilot. Before too long the FBI, police marksmen and the National Guard were surrounding the airport. But, alas, this was to no avail, Mr Cooper was far too smart and organized, he had a plane full of people and a big old bomb. Eventually the powers that be, handed over a wad of unmarked bills valued at $200,000 and 4 parachutes in exchange for the release of the 150 or so passengers (who, by the way, had no idea they were being hijacked). He then ordered the plane to be flown to Mexico (as you do). Captain Bill Scott was the lucky pilot on the day and despite being followed by an Air Force Fighter jet, he was at the mercy of this quiet dude with a canvas bag. Cooper, during flight, ordered the pilot to lower the plane flaps 15 % , keep the landing gear down and fly at below 90m per second (not exceeding 7,000 ft). Cooper then requested that the rear door of the plane be opened and he exited the cabin. The captain flew for 4 hours at low altitude until he reached Reno, Nevada. Cooper was no longer on the plane. Somewhere during the journey the quiet man, with glasses, had jumped from the Boeing 727. Detailed examination of the Black Box suggested that Cooper had jumped out somewhere over the wooded terrain of Washington State, right under the nose of the Air Force jet. The bitter cold and harsh terrain hampered search efforts, with many believing D.B.Cooper would have never survived the jump, let alone the horrid conditions. But despite this theory, nothing was ever found to prove he perished. To add fuel to the fire, three weeks later a letter arrived at the LA Times from D.B. Cooper explaining the reasons for the hijack. Only having 14 months to live he decided to “gain a few grains of peace”. D.B. Cooper soon became a hero and the public loved him. In 1979 the hatch of the plane was discovered, which started a a frenzy of treasure hunters rummaging in the forest looking for the loot. In 1980 an 8 year old boy found a wad of $20 bills (adding up to $6,000) which matched the serial number of Cooper’s money on the banks of Columbia River. Again treasure hunters flocked to the area to no avail. In 1989 a small parachute was discovered in the Columbia River, but that was later found to be not D.B. Cooper’s.

So, this brings me back to the discovery of the parachute in March, 2008. If the parachutes proves to be that of Dan Cooper, then the mystery of where he landed will be finally solved. But it will also raise new doubts about how the money made its way to Columbia River and what really became of Dan Cooper. Here’s hoping Cooper pulled off the daring heist and escaped with only minor injuries. It would be a bummer if he didn’t !

UPDATE : Ain’t his parachute (so they are saying!).

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Sometimes you read a news article and you think they are having a lend of you. I was surfing google news, as you do, and I came upon a news headline ‘Woman on Toilet Seat for Two Years”‘. Now like everyone else, I just presumed she had been found dead on a toilet seat. Hell no, she was alive and being fed by her boyfriend. God knows what possessed him to ring for help after two years, maybe it was the fact that her body had grown around the seat and she couldn’t get up (we will probably never know?).  But even after reading and re-reading the news article, I just couldn’t get my head around the two years thing. I still thought it was some sort of prank. Then my mind wandered, as it does, to the obvious questions. How did she eat, sleep, wash her hair, spend the day? Two years is  730 days or  17,520 hours or 1,036,800 minutes (you get my drift) what the hell would somebody do for all that time (and guys DON’T say reading the newspaper!). Then I thought, wouldn’t flushing wet your bottom? Where was boyfriend going to the toilet? Was she fully dressed ? What did they have to say to one another? Did she smell? Sadly, after all that pondering, I was shocked to hear that they were having a normal relationship. Please God , let that not be sex too! Oh the bad, bad, bad thoughts….happy place, happy place.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDhjppWLAEQ&hl=en]

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[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QFpUZ-hFbA&feature=related]

See, sometimes you should think twice before executing the “I’ll mess with the news reporter” routine, it only gets you shame and ridicule.

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So how should I get the ball rolling ? Lets see….. The Friggin Loon Award of 2007 goes to

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WALIARHHLII]

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