Not Miljici again..he just wont quit it with his mother-in-law ...

OK, here’s the thing, trying to kill your mother-in-law with an anti-tank missile launcher is wrong…funny…but wrong. Oh Miroslav Miljici, blaming your wife’s mom for your marriage break up doesn’t give you the right to bombard her home with missiles. Hmm and then trying to finish her off with a machine gun is a little bit obsessive, don’t you think? As is the way of the world  mother-in-law survived the whole friggin thing without barely a scratch. I am guessing the Bosnian judge must of taken pity because Miljici only got 6 years for attempted murder. During the trial Miljici’s defence was “he could no longer take his mother-in-law’s nagging.” Hmm, I guess a reconciliation is out of the question.

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Gone fishin !

How the hell do you accidentally blow up a diver? Well, by using dynamite to fish for starters ! Oh for goodness sakes, four Vietnamese fishermen who were fishing in Phu Cu suddenly saw bubbles under the water and thought it was a big friggin fish so they tossed a stick of dynamite at it (as you do!!). Whoops, when they went to retrieve the fish they found one dead diver. Dynamiting a diver kinda takes the fun out of the whole experience, don’t ya think? Crap, what type of dynamite were they using that the friggin Coast Guard heard the explosion? Despite attempts to flee the scene, the authorities promptly arrested the four stunned mullets. Hmm, dynamite fishing is illegal in Vietnam because it damages coral reefs (no shit and divers too!). Hmm, wouldn’t it be cheaper just using a net? AND pray tell what friggin state would the fish be in after being blasted to kingdom come? So many questions….

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Gosh girl I know how you feel. Macca’s should never run out of friggin chicken Mcnuggets for goodness sakes. Honey, that’s right, ring 911 and damn tell it to them straight! Yeah Ok Latreasa maybe not! Latreasa Goodman from Fort Pierce, Florida, was so peeved that her local McDonald’s store had run out of McNuggets she rang 911 three times and got herself arrested. Whoops, it seems you can get busted for misusing the 911 emergency communications system. Damn who’s a girl to call? They weren’t going to give her a refund people! Hmm, maybe Latreasa should give Petra Hirsch a buzz and compare stories!
Wanna read a transcript of one of her calls?

“This is an emergency, if I would have known they didn’t have McNuggets, I wouldn’t have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don’t want one, this is an emergency!”

Oh yes there is more ….

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Hmm, something not to tell their grandchildren. Two hapless escapees in New Zealand forgot they were handcuffed together as they were making a run for it and ran on either side of a light pole, both coming to a crashing end.Oh and to make matter worse it was all captured on CCTV. The two men Regan Reti and Tiranara White were attending Hastings District Court on New Zealand’s North Island for sentencing on separate charges. After both received jail terms they decided to make a run for it.Sergeant Greig describes what happened next “They fell over and they were sprayed with pepper spray. But they got up and ran out of the court onto the street, across the road to a car park.That’s where they met the pole – it was all over, rover.” Security guards arrested the duo who were attempting to untangled themselves at the base of the pole. Both were promptly marched back to the courts where more time was added to their prison sentence (friggin loons!). Wanna see the footage?

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OK, I’m sorry, if you are going to name your kid after the most infamous Nazi ever, expect a backlash. A new Jersey supermarket ShopRite refused to put a three year olds full name, Adolph Hitler Campbell, on a birthday cake, which upset his parents no end (hello, better start getting use to it!). They had to toddle off to Wal-Mart in Pennsylvania instead where they are more Nazi friendly, I guess? Heath Campbell (the father of little Adolph) said he chose the name because he simply liked it, hmm so it doesn’t really explain why he named his other children JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell. Oh yeah, “Aryan Nation” has a nice ring to it too! I hate to think of all the teasing they are going to have to endure later in life. Thank goodness for deed poll.

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No one is gonna squeeze my butt for juice!

An ant scam how ingenious. Wang Zhendong thought he had come up with the ultimate scam, convincing hundreds of people to invest in his ant breeding project. The ants were to be used to make herbal remedies, liquor and aphrodisiacs (how many friggin ants would you have to crush for that?). Wang had promised investors returns of between 35-60% from the breeding project which promptly led to people throwing their money into it, $439 million (3 billion yuan) to be exact.Imagine their shock when it was discovered it was all a bogus scam and Wang had no intention of breeding friggin ants let alone juicing them for their magical powers.Many investors fell into depression and one even committed suicide. Needless to say Wang Zhendong was executed (come on it’s China for goodness sakes).

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Gosh, what could it be?

Are you friggin kidding me? Andy Parks (aka Mr Christmas) has been celebrating Christmas every friggin day for the past 14 friggin years. Get a life my friend! The electrician discovered the joys of Christmas in 1994 when he found hanging up Christmas decorations stopped him feeling bored and fed up (get a goddam puppy?). OK everyday for 14 years this is how Mr friggin Christmas’ life unravels…he starts off by getting stuck into seven or eight mince pies and glass of sherry for breakie, he then unwraps his presents (which he bought and wrapped himself), then at lunch he has all the trimming plus champagne, finally as night falls he carves the Christmas turkey. Whoops, I nearly forgot,  somewhere in between all the other celebrations he will sit down and watch the Queen’s Christmas friggin speech for the umpteenth time and open the Christmas cards he sent himself. Mr Parks says “People do think I’m crackers, but I enjoy treating myself and I’m the only one in the world who does it,”  too right. It all just sounds like one stressful nightmare. Sadly the 44-year-old Christmasholic from Melksham, Wiltshire, has had to cut back on his festive expenditure as the world financial crisis affects his £150 a week habit (welcome back to the real world). He now buys a 9lb turkey instead of his usual 14lb one, he personally delivers his Chrissy cards instead of posting them, and he now only has one Christmas tree instead of two. It’s all kinda sad really! Merry Christmas Mr Parks.

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Roll your ass from left to right so we can get a butt print please!

Everyone is breathing a little easier in the small town of Valentine, Nebraska, now that the Butt Bandit has finally been caught.Hmm,for over a year the dude has been terrorizing and amusing the locals by leaving his graphic naked rear end and groin marks on glass windows around town. It seems the Butt Bandit loved nothing better than coating his ass or groin with Vaseline or lotion and then leaning up against churches, schools and shop fronts, leaving his unpleasant little grease mark. The unnamed 35 year old was caught with his pants down in the early hours of the morning. So far no charges have been filed against him.Valentine Police Chief Ben McBride called it “the weirdest case I’ve ever seen.” (ya think!).

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Hmm, home cooking...

Since when has farting been a crime? Seems in Florida if you are 12 years old, disruptive and continue to fart deliberately in school it is! A Florida student has been dragged kicking and farting out of a classroom after running a muck, turning off computers and deliberately passing gas. Police were called to Florida’s Stuart’s Spectrum High School to arrest the 150cm stinker after a complaint by his teacher D.C. Carden. Gosh and to think if there was a machete wielding ninja on the rampage in my neighborhood the police would be a no show. But back to our little farter. Due to his age his named can’t be released but his mommy collected him from the County Sheriff’s Office after he confessed to all offences. No word on whether the farts were noisy, smelly or both! Wanna see the fart wrap sheet? It is right here on Smoking Gun (ironic really).

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