And you think Im nuts!

WTF. A paedophile pensioner with a 30 year history of abusing little kiddies has been prescribed Viagra on the National Health System (NHS) in the UK. Bless! Roger Martin who is 71 simply went to his GP and asked for it because he suffers from diabetes (evidently that helps!). And guess what? There isn’t a single thing anyone can do about it! Probation officers who are assigned to Mr Martin are just shaking their heads in disbelief. To make the situation all the more disturbing Mr Martin has just this week escaped a jail sentence after assaulting an 11 year old last year because the judge believed he ‘wouldn’t be able to cope’ behind bars.WTF Nanny State? Peterborough MP Stewart Jackson said: “This is a bizarre and outrageous example of where common sense gets thrown out of the window in preference to so-called human rights and political correctness.”

Psst You know I sometimes wonder whether this is all done deliberately to keep the well oiled machine going. Pedophile re-offends, police arrest him, judge keeps him out of jail, doctor prescribes Viagra, he re-offends, police arrest him…. Now everyone is happy and all their jobs are safe!

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Why don't you smell my breath officer!!!

Donald May is suing the Kissimmee Police Department after he spent three months behind bars because of his mints. Mr May was driving home from work when cops pulled him over for an expired tag, next thing he knows they are accusing him of chewing crack and promptly arrested him. Turns out that crack he was chewing was in fact breath mints. The officer, on the other hand, claims he saw Mr May purchase the drugs while at an intersection and that when he was pulled over he promptly ate the evidence. The officer also claims the field test on the remains of the white substance in Mr May’s mouth tested positive for drugs! Hmm? Anywho Mr May couldn’t raise the bond so he spent 3 months behind bars waiting for the test results. In the meantime the police department auctioned off his car, he lost his job and also his apartment.

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That can happen?

A man in a remote community in Western Australia is in hospital after he exploded into a ball of flames after being tasered by police. The incident happened when police were called to a house in Warburton where a group of people were allegedly sniffing petrol. The man in question, Ronald Mitchell, came to the door holding a lighter and a two-litre orange juice container full of petrol and then began to run at the officers. One of the policemen fired his taser, hitting Mitchell on the bridge of his nose and igniting petrol which was still on his face.

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Hmm, whilst we are on the subject of chooks, has anyone heard of Mike the headless chicken? Come on people, he’s got a page on Wiki for goodness sakes! OK, Miracle Mike was a very lucky or unlucky chicken (depending on how you look at it) who survived the old beheading,well sort of! Cast your mind back to 1945 on an early September morning around 6.45 in Fruita , Colorado. Farmer Lloyd Olsen, armed with an axe went out to his yard to get himself a chicken for lunch. Mike happened to be the slowest runner that day and Olsen a poor marksman. In the swing of the axe Olsen failed to totally lob off Mike’s head, well he got everything except one ear, the jugular vein and his brain cell.You guessed it, mike the headless chicken survived. A guilt ridden Olsen didn’t have the heart to kill him so he began feeding Mike food with an eyedropper by dripping it down his esophagus. Mike soon became fat, famous and rich by carving a career for the Olsen family himself as a touring sideshow act. Sadly Mike choked to death in a hotel room in 1947 while still on tour. But wait there’s more….Fruita Colorado now honor one of their most famous citizens by having the annual “Mike the Headless Chicken Day” (3rd weekend of May). Come on people its truuuuuue! Check it out Mike The Headless Chicken! Geez your a tough crowd!

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It said dress all in white, didn't

When a play on words gets you into deep doodah.The Principal of Mount Aspiring College in Wanaka (don’t say it fast) New Zealand has defended his students who decided to have a “white supremacy”-themed after-ball party.Now settle down people, its not what you think, it was an innocent mistake. The “White Supreeemacy” party wasn’t intended as a racist themed celebration but as a white dress code party (and probably sounded like a clever idea at the time). Unfortunately, wood for the trees, nobody thought anything of it until parents caught sight of the tickets and began complaining. They are now demanding to know how the offensive theme got past the attention of teachers and made its way to the printers. Needless to say tickets have now been reprinted…exit old theme enter new theme… White Out (take that which ever way you like!).Now the college will have to spend a great deal of energy explaining their “honest mistake” to horrified people around the world.Good luck with that.

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Irony..$300 in China, $1 at Walmart

China’s answer to rising cemetery plots and funeral services prices … “welfare cemeteries”. Hmm its motto “Too poor to live, too poor to die”. As millions celebrate Qingming or “Tombsweeping” festival (where you get to tidy the grave of your relis) , fingers have been pointing at the Chinese government’s lack of concern for the spiralling costs of dying. Especially considering in Chinese culture honoring ones ancestors is ranked higher than love of country. Here’s the thing, funeral urns cost more than a telly and god, Confucia or Tao  forbid, you want a tomb, they cost more than a house.  If you want real honor for your family you can have yourself a nice plot in Beijing’s Babaoshan Cemetery…starting price $9,000 per square metre, oh for 20 years (lease people, lease and not a fixed price lease either). Don’t renew and cough up after 20 years…eviction. No wonder one child per family! Bummer really, that child could get stuck paying for generations of plots. Not to worry, no vacancies at Babaoshan anyway and I hear the waiting list is to die for! Government response to this mess..welfare cemeteries. Oh yeah, get yourself an eco-tomb for $150 aka plonked in community garden . Hmm, that would be “tombraking” festival for some then?

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WTF... cheese to the left, bitch!

Lyndel Toppin wasn’t happy with his cheese placement in his meatball sandwich so he did what any picky eater would do,chopped off (well, nearly) the finger of the sandwich maker…his fiance. Hmm, yep all went downhill after Toppin (appropriate name!) wasn’t at all happy where his missus had placed the cheese on his hoagie roll, so he up and grabbed a knife and attacked her. Not just happy with severing a finger, he then bit down on the woman’s wrist refusing to let go (man he was mad!).23 stitches and a damaged ligament later, Toppin was arrested and charged with aggravated and simple assault, reckless endangerment, possessing an instrument of crime , harassment… all on a sesame seed roll.Superintendent John Reilly Jr at the George W. Hill Correctional Facility said “Wait until he gets a load of the prison food,”.

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Painesville, pretty in pink!

And here I was thinking it was a red sock in the laundry. People of Painesville, Ohio, it was a friggin chemical feeder malfunction, not your wives, who have turned your undies pink, I swear. Seems Painesville have a little problem with the water pouring from their faucets…it’s pink. That’s what happens when too much potassium permanganate gets released into your water supply. Hmm, don’t worry it isn’t a health risk but your whites may turn pink because it does stain (not harmful but stains?).Never you mind, your trusty Painesville water department are onto it and are this very minute frantically flushing hydrants and adding more crap into the water to clear the discoloration. Good luck with that.

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That's gotta hurt!

I am sorry, but if you are lonely and want to satisfy yourself, please don’t use a pine cone, it is gonna hurt. A poor sex starved spinster from Belgrade has had to endure two hours of painful surgery to remove the offending article from her hmm ….you know what…after it became stuck. From all accounts Ms Gavaric is recovering well, though slightly embarrassed and still not satisfied. You wont be seeing that on an episode of Greys Anatomy anytime soon…but then again.

Afterthought: Mirjana Gavaric may want to consider becoming pen friends with the Maryland couple!

Thought to Ponder : If medical info is confidential and can only be released with the patients permission..what are they thinking???

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Not Miljici again..he just wont quit it with his mother-in-law ...

OK, here’s the thing, trying to kill your mother-in-law with an anti-tank missile launcher is wrong…funny…but wrong. Oh Miroslav Miljici, blaming your wife’s mom for your marriage break up doesn’t give you the right to bombard her home with missiles. Hmm and then trying to finish her off with a machine gun is a little bit obsessive, don’t you think? As is the way of the world  mother-in-law survived the whole friggin thing without barely a scratch. I am guessing the Bosnian judge must of taken pity because Miljici only got 6 years for attempted murder. During the trial Miljici’s defence was “he could no longer take his mother-in-law’s nagging.” Hmm, I guess a reconciliation is out of the question.

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