Dear god, Chinese immigrant Vince Li got away with murder. A Canadian judge has deemed Mr Li mentally ill, thus not criminally responsible for decapitating a sleeping passenger on a Greyhound bus and then trying to eat him (good to know!). Mr Li made world headlines after shocked greyhound passengers fled in horror, as for no apparent reason, he attacked fellow passenger Tim McLean with a knife.It was later revealed that Mr McLean’s ear, nose and tongue were found in Li’s pocket.Justice John Scurfield in delivering his verdict said “He did not appreciate the actions he committed were morally wrong,”. He will now be will be institutionalized without a criminal record and reassessed every year by a mental health review board to determine if he is well enough to return back into the community (oh great!). Hello, what about Tim McLean? His distressed mother said “A crime was still committed here, a murder still occurred.There was nobody else on that bus holding a knife, slicing up my child.” There will never be closure for that family.

Hmm, so does this mean all mentally ill people are free to commit heinous crimes under the umbrella of not responsible for their actions? Don’t get me wrong, mental illness is a complex and extraordinary difficult issue and I have great empathy for people who struggle with it everyday . But if you remove accountability from society where does it leave us? Surely Mr Li could have been given some charge. Nobody would question the fact Mr Li was mentally ill when he beheaded Mr McLean, nobody would question the right for Mr Li to receive the proper care and treatment , nobody would question the right for Mr Li to serve time in an institution rather than a prison. But to have NO criminal record!!!!!!!

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Oh dear, Kevin Simpson the school crossing patrol officer is in a little trouble after tying tinsel to his lollipop.It seems a member of the public wasn’t too happy about it and dobbed him in to the Hampshire County Council (bah humbug). Mr Simpson ties tinsel to his lollipop every year around Christmas time to add a bit of festive cheer to an otherwise mundane job. The council believe the tinsel obscures the lollipop sign and poses a safety problem. They have now banned the lollipop guy from using tinsel, despite protests from parents. Mr Simpson said “When I was told that the tinsel had to go I was in tears and so were the children.” You know, if I was him I would whack the tinsel all over himself. Friggin councils.

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The crack is widening!

Well, all seemed to be going just dandy for “Joe the plumber” and the John McCain campaign until all of a sudden it began springing leaks.Those leaks were starting to become gushes by the time the truth about John McCain’s typical, hard-working American taxpayer came to light. Those leaks were sinking the plumber faster than the Titanic! Seems, Ohio tradesman Joe Wurzelbacher, isn’t a Joe at all, but a Sam and he ain’t no plumber either (no license no occupation!).Could it get any worse? You betcha, he owes back taxes too. Joe became the hero of the working class after he confronted Obama at a rally, questioning him about his tax policies.Cue Senator John McCain, like the cat that found the bird cage open, he went in for the kill,using “Joe the plumber’ story throughout the last Presidential debate.McCain proudly gloated that Obama’s plan would stop entrepreneurs such as Wurzelbacher from investing in new small businesses and keep existing ones from growing.Hmm, how wrong he was, Joe (whoops, sorry Sam) can’t work because he hasn’t got a plumbers license and if he could he wouldn’t have any money left to invest because the IRS gets their share first (ain’t that right Willy?). So I am guessing Sam’s 15 minutes of fame is well and truly up.
Gosh, if he turns out to be a serial killer won’t we all be pissed!

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OMG, lucky I was wearing my goat coat LOL!

Friggin Yeti’s, Bigfoots, Storsjoes. Doesn’t the world have enough to worry about? I hate to break the news to the true believers but the yeti hair found in India actually belongs to a goat.Sorry! Scientists confirmed that the hair samples are in fact Himalayan Goral hair. The hair was handed over to the BBC by yeti/abominable snowman/mande barung fanatic, Dipu Marak. God knows how he got his hands on the hair, but it is believed to have come from the dense jungle in Meghalaya (North East India). It was in this jungle that a forest ranger had the friggin shit scared out of him after spotting a 10ft , 300kg “forest man” (AKA as mande barung) roaming around. Rumor has it he bumped into the creature three days in a row! Initially, British scientists testing the hair for DNA got really excited as the sample bore a “startling resemblance” to the suspected yeti hairs collected by Sir Edmund Hillary.But US scientists burst their bubble by declaring them goat’s hair! Damn that DNA.

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Told ya we shouldn't have used blood!

Nuns Declared Terrorists! If you are going to break into a US nuclear missile silo and paint crucifixes on the walls with your own blood you may find yourself on the federal database as suspected terrorists. Especially if you are elderly Roman Catholic nuns. Sister Ardeth Platte, 72, and Sister Carol Gilbert, 60, got the fright of their lives when they opened up their mail to discover they were 2 of 53 activists wrongfully listed as terrorists in the 2005-2006 edition of the “who’s who” US terror list. Whoops,lucky its all cleared up now, don’t want them having any bad habits (lame joke alert!).Seems their non violent action red flagged them.

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I thought your dad was taller?

Whoops. John Delaney was thought to be dead, a body was found matching the description given by his family, he had been identified by the coroner as being Delaney, gosh he was even cremated and had a funeral. Imagine the family’s surprise when dear old dad popped up on TV. Seems that wasn’t dad after all. Nope, dad was in a care home with memory loss. Who they cremated and had a funeral for is anyone’s guess (probably a homeless guy). Delaney had been sitting in a facility with a new name “David Harrison”.So someone got a free funeral now, didn’t they!

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Good Work Fido....

A head count at a Belfast zoo of all its lions and tigers has failed to shed light on why people are reporting seeing a lion. A police helicopter was brought out last night to help in the search for the wild beast roaming the city.The last reported sightings were in the Upper Hightown end of Cavehill Park.Witnesses described the animal “as a sandy-colored lion or large non-domestic cat”. Police have asked the public if “Anyone who thinks they may have seen the animal should not attempt to approach it.” (no shit sherlock!).
NEWSFLASH : Lion has been identified as a stray dog (embarrassed much?).

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You are the weakest link damn you!

Oh dear, it seems I owe Neanderthals an apology after my recent story (damn those scientists!).It has been reveal, though us Homo sapiens never slept with them, (re my previous story) Neanderthals may not have been the dumb wits we thought they were. New research indicates that they had just as good flint tools as ours and in some case more efficient ones. It seems when you compare the Neanderthals flake tools with the sapiens blade tools there is no difference in efficiency of the two technologies. Yeah, except a blade tool can be used to kill off them Neanderthal fools. What are the odds that us Homo sapiens bullied the Neanderthals with our blades and stole their tools (Hand over your friggin flint idiot and get the hell out of our hood!).  Then they did an extensive cave drawing campaign to blacken the Neanderthals name and the rest is history. Nothing ever changes…

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Cows facing magnetic north

You gotta love scientific research, surveys and studies. This week alone I have discovered; pussy cats are eating better than third world countries, people having sadomasochistic sex are much happier than people having normal sex and cattle tend to point north and south when grazing or sleeping. Hey, and that was just this week! So now that I am armed with all this friggin info what am I too do with it?
Lets take the cattle pointing north-south scenerio. German scientists studied satellite photographs of 8,510 cattle in 308 herds from around the world and discovered 2 out of 3 cows/bulls were pointing to magnetic north. Good god what does this mean, Should I be pointing magnetic north?  Is that why cows are more susceptible to alien abductions?  Is that why fresh milk is far too creamy for human consumption? Is it some weird cow religious ritual? Should I be panicking?
Fortunately I take solace from one dairy farmer who summed this research info up the best. When asked if he had noticed this odd behavior in his cows he replied “Absolutely not.” But, he added, “I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about stuff like that.”

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