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By Friggin Loon on May 13, 2009 | No Friggin Comments
Say, do you fix frogs?
Oh dear god, what do you do when you run the lawnmower over a green tree frog and take half it’s skin off it’s back? Take it to Veterinarian Stephen Cutter and the good folks at the Ark Animal Hospital in the Northern Territory will fix it. The little amphibian was rushed to the veterinarian clinic and straight into emergency surgery, where a team carefully reattached its slimy skin to its back. After the successful operation Dr Cutter said “It was a pretty horrific injury.But from day one she fought to live. It’s very lucky to be alive,”. Bless!
Psst The frog has been named Victoria in honor of the Victa mower that nearly claimed her life! I am guessing the bill will be more than that mower!
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By Friggin Loon on May 9, 2009 | No Friggin Comments
Darl, could I have a darker color so you dont see the dirt!
Schapelle Corby, ex beauty therapist and convicted Aussie drug smuggler has discovered a great way to pass away the time at the Kerobokan jail in Bali. Teach the inmates beauty tips. With 15 odd years of her sentence left to go, it may help keep her mind off things. A group have already approached authorities about setting up a beauty salon so they can run makeup courses. And wouldn’t you know it, sis Mercedes (with her recently acquired millions) has offered to supply the products for the salon, bless. I think there would nothing better for morale than looking pretty in prison.
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By Friggin Loon on May 9, 2009 | No Friggin Comments
And that was just the needle!
Ouch, who’d want to be a man in Botswana. All hail Ministry of Health! They have just announced that they will be circumcising nearly half a million men in an effort to curb the spread of HIV over the next 5 years. Reason? Studies have revealed that circumcised men are 2 to 3 times less likely to contract HIV. The government is already running TV and radio campaigns to encourage men to visit clinics for safe circumcision procedures (what are they likely to do it themselves?). Hmm that could be an awfully hard sell!
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By Friggin Loon on May 9, 2009 | No Friggin Comments
A man walks into a Deveroes store in Dayton and proceeds to steal clothes off the racks, stuffing them up his shirt and in his pants. Before making a getaway he notices a pile of job application forms on the front counter, so he decides to fill one out. Heck, why not he knows the stuff they have is worth stealing, right? Unfortunately for Stanley Wright, the friggin alarms went off when he tried leaving the store.The staff promptly rang police after Mr Wright fled and gave them the application form which he had neatly filled out with his name and address. When they came a knocking Mr Wright was busily ironing one of the pairs of jeans he had stolen. -
By Friggin Loon on May 9, 2009 | No Friggin Comments
Les Misérables
You know kids, you could learn a lot from Indian beggars. Thousands of young beggars in India are learning a few extra languages in time for the onslaught of tourists for next year’s Commonwealth Games in New Delhi. French and Spanish are the most popular of choice amongst child beggars. Ooh and classes have already started in Lal Quarter (popular beggar hang out).Raju Sansi, one of the teachers said: “Students are taught how to say phrases like ’I am an orphan’, ’I have not eaten for days’, ’I am ill and have no money for medicine, please help me in the name of God’.” Bless, they are also trained to identify the different currencies and their values. Yes, very important, don’t want to be short changed by some dodgy tourist.
Psst Imagine, when the kids grow up they could get a job as a telemarketer just about anywhere!
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By Friggin Loon on May 9, 2009 | No Friggin Comments
Hows that working for ya?
Fred Flintstone rang and he wants his bike back! OK Mr Guan Baihua, now that you have patented the bike from hell, now what? Mr Baihua from Quindao China has spent nearly two years of his life developing a bike which has a five sided pentagon front wheel and a triangle shaped back wheel. Hmm, despite making you look like a complete fool it is guaranteed to make you lose weight because of of all the effort you need to make it move! Mr Baihua said “There are too many identical mass-manufactured things. More and more, people like weird and rarely seen stuff. Making this bike gives people an alternative,”. Hmm, yeah like walking! If anyone is interested Mr Baihua is looking for a manufacturer to mass produce!
Psst Hate to get a friggin flat tyre!
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By Friggin Loon on April 4, 2009 | No Friggin Comments
It said dress all in white, didn't
When a play on words gets you into deep doodah.The Principal of Mount Aspiring College in Wanaka (don’t say it fast) New Zealand has defended his students who decided to have a “white supremacy”-themed after-ball party.Now settle down people, its not what you think, it was an innocent mistake. The “White Supreeemacy” party wasn’t intended as a racist themed celebration but as a white dress code party (and probably sounded like a clever idea at the time). Unfortunately, wood for the trees, nobody thought anything of it until parents caught sight of the tickets and began complaining. They are now demanding to know how the offensive theme got past the attention of teachers and made its way to the printers. Needless to say tickets have now been reprinted…exit old theme enter new theme… White Out (take that which ever way you like!).Now the college will have to spend a great deal of energy explaining their “honest mistake” to horrified people around the world.Good luck with that.
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By Friggin Loon on April 4, 2009 | No Friggin Comments
Irony..$300 in China, $1 at Walmart
China’s answer to rising cemetery plots and funeral services prices … “welfare cemeteries”. Hmm its motto “Too poor to live, too poor to die”. As millions celebrate Qingming or “Tombsweeping” festival (where you get to tidy the grave of your relis) , fingers have been pointing at the Chinese government’s lack of concern for the spiralling costs of dying. Especially considering in Chinese culture honoring ones ancestors is ranked higher than love of country. Here’s the thing, funeral urns cost more than a telly and god, Confucia or Tao forbid, you want a tomb, they cost more than a house. If you want real honor for your family you can have yourself a nice plot in Beijing’s Babaoshan Cemetery…starting price $9,000 per square metre, oh for 20 years (lease people, lease and not a fixed price lease either). Don’t renew and cough up after 20 years…eviction. No wonder one child per family! Bummer really, that child could get stuck paying for generations of plots. Not to worry, no vacancies at Babaoshan anyway and I hear the waiting list is to die for! Government response to this mess..welfare cemeteries. Oh yeah, get yourself an eco-tomb for $150 aka plonked in community garden . Hmm, that would be “tombraking” festival for some then?
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By Friggin Loon on April 4, 2009 | No Friggin Comments
Holy lap dancing nun Batman. Anna Nobili, has got herself a captive audience (yet again) after giving her exotic dancing and strip teasing the flick . The ex lap dancer has thrown in her bad habit for, well, a real habit and is going to perform her “Holy Dance” as a nun.The ex night club dancer became a nun after visiting the shrine of St Francis in Assisi, and has been working on her Old and New Testaments dance moves ever since. Next week she will perform “The Bible: Day and Night” for senior Catholic clerics (including Archbishop Gianfranco Ravasi, head honcho for the Vatican Cultural Department) in Rome. Sister Nobili said “I was wasting my life dancing for men in clubs. The nights were filled with sex and alcohol. It was an empty life but I liked it because I was the centre of attention.” (and dancing in front of men of the cloth will be more fulfilling?) Hmm, well you’ll definitely still be the center of attention …not too many dancing nuns to take away your thunder! Sister Nobili goes on to say “My aim is to pray using my body”.Oh dear god, my tongue is bleeding, get me to a nunnery….
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By Friggin Loon on April 4, 2009 | No Friggin Comments
WTF... cheese to the left, bitch!
Lyndel Toppin wasn’t happy with his cheese placement in his meatball sandwich so he did what any picky eater would do,chopped off (well, nearly) the finger of the sandwich maker…his fiance. Hmm, yep all went downhill after Toppin (appropriate name!) wasn’t at all happy where his missus had placed the cheese on his hoagie roll, so he up and grabbed a knife and attacked her. Not just happy with severing a finger, he then bit down on the woman’s wrist refusing to let go (man he was mad!).23 stitches and a damaged ligament later, Toppin was arrested and charged with aggravated and simple assault, reckless endangerment, possessing an instrument of crime , harassment… all on a sesame seed roll.Superintendent John Reilly Jr at the George W. Hill Correctional Facility said “Wait until he gets a load of the prison food,”.
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