Its amore

I must say I was a little surprised to learn that Kim Jong Il had sent several North Korean chefs to Italy to learn how to make pizza and pasta dishes. Silly me, I thought he would have taught them personally, being a master chef and all! But no. On their return, the chefs opened North Korea’s first pizzeria in Pyongyang.The restaurant is believed to import it’s flour, butter and cheese from Italy, which is nice considering the country is one of the poorest in the world and relies on international food aid to feed its people. All hail Kim Jong Il.

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Ah sorry been on holidays!

The “is he or isn’t he dead dictator” Kim Jong Il resurfaced on the weekend appearing bright and smiley at a soccer game. Many believe this is yet another fake photo because we all know if it really was him, he wouldn’t have been watching soccer, he would have been playing it. Dear Leader was supposedly watching a football game in a special viewing room as two army-affiliated teams fought it out down on the field.He seemed happy enough opting for a stylish brown jacket and black pants (rather than his khaki jumpsuit) and freshly blow-waved hair.As debate rages and experts looked extra closely at the new images to try and find any tell tale signs of paralysis from a recent stroke, one thing is clear, the PR department have at least got the season right this time. The last images released a few weeks ago, which were also said to be recent, had him placed beside beautiful green vegetation despite the country being in Autumn. Doh! Hate those observant western scum!

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This is verwee important, which jumpsuit look better on me?

Stand by world, something is rumbling in North Korea. It appears that the North Korean government have told all their diplomats abroad that an “important announcement” is imminent. Please, I hope it isn’t to tell us Kim Jong Il just got another friggin hole in one ( I’ll just scream!). If the rumors coming out of Japan are anything to go by the North Korean government will inform the world that their beloved leader has either died or has found a miracle cure for Agoraphobia. Speculation has been running hot ever since Kim Jong Il’s no shows around the place. And no he hasn’t been working on a new album with Britney (sorry that rumor was greatly exaggerated). I’m thinking this is going to be the big one because they have also said that there will be a ban on all foreigners entering the country from Monday. Oh dear that doesn’t sound too good! South Korea are packing their daks, because they haven’t heard squat about these new rumors and are fearful that the announcement could be about them! Seems North Korea aren’t happy with their new conservative government and are threatening to break ties (oh crap). Meanwhile South Korea’s National Intelligence Service are desperately trying to verify these rumors. Hey guys, just go onto any friggin news website they are all talking about it!

Oh crap, I just had a thought, if it’s about the head in the aquarium rumor, I am in deep shit!

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Me been busy writing pop song for Britney!

Fancy, Kim Jong Il resurfacing on TV as the world braces itself for economic disaster (bless, for timing). Absence makes the heart grow fonder and Mr Il certainly looks fit and dapper, considering his recent stroke and brain surgery. Images of the North Korean leader beamed across Korean Central Television, showing him in his nicely pressed khaki jumpsuit and Jackie O glasses. Despite the latest proof of his existence, many are still skeptical and suspect old footage was used in this latest broadcast. Oh well, at least the West have dropped the whole Doppelganger thing!

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Kim Jong Il. Bless. Is he alive or dead? (some say, who cares). Rumors are abound that our favorite little crazy dictator is really a nip and tuck stunt double. AND it wasn’t the CIA or MI5 who discovered this little switch. Nope, leave it to the experts. A Japanese professor, Toshimitsu Shigemura, has just released a book “The True Character of Kim Jong-il” which claims that North Korea’s “Dear Leader” died in 2003 from diabetes and now has a look alike running the country. Hell, where does one find a pint size replacement nutter who can score three or four holes-in-one per round of golf, compose operas, write movie scripts and be a chick magnet like Kim Jong Il. So the big question is if that ain’t Kim Jong Il who the hell is Vladimir Putin and Hu Jintao negotiating with (can’t be good)?

DOPPELGANGER UPDATE : It seems that the powers that be in North Korea are in damage control (damn the Western World). Following reports of Kim’s demise and replacement double the North Korean Government PR spin doctors are working overtime to assure the sceptics he is alive and kicking (just). “An intelligence report was obtained that defence commission chairman Kim Jong-Il collapsed on August 22,” said Seoul’s Chosun Ilbo newspaper. What’s the bet he’ll be dead by the end of the month.

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